In Loving Memory
by CatsPaw
Summary: Harry thinks about Sirius as he walks through the streets of Little Whinging. Post Order of the Phoenix.


In Loving Memory

The streets of Little Whinging were silent save for the gentle sound of water hitting the street. The sky was dark as clouds filled the sky, though it was still too early for the street lamps to come on.

A solitary figured interrupted the monotony of the falling rain as he turned the corner causing a light splashing as he traipsed the grid of orderly houses. He had an outward distant expression on his face, as his mind was closed to the outside, thinking merely of the past.

No one else had any desire to walk through the rain; they all found the weather galling which was a rather pronounced difference to the previous summer where everyone had wanted rain in order to alleviate the drought and the dreaded hosepipe ban. 

People never seemed to be happy with what they had, always wishing for something and wanting it so badly that they thought it was the only thing they wanted in the world. The consequences, however, were never anticipated and were often worse than the original problem. There were now massive amounts of complaining about flowerbeds filled with standing water and the desire to leave the dry interior of the houses. 

Harry Potter was used to walking through the streets alone. In past years he had found it more desirable to be out of the house than to be in the presence of his aunt and uncle at number four, Privet Drive. This summer however, his walks were much less scarce, as he seemed to remember the more of the previous summer than the hosepipe ban. 

In contrast with the prior summer, there were no letters telling him to be a good boy and keep his nose clean from his godfather. These letters had infuriated him, but as much resentment as children had when their parents looked out for them it was something that was needed and wanted. Each letter had caused Harry to temporarily forget that he was being imprisoned in Little Winging. Each letter had had been a reminder that there was someone who cared for Harry.

Harry thought longingly of end of May in the previous year when the constant letters warning Harry to stay on his guard started. Harry remembered his thoughts at the first letter as Sirius began to write daily. He was outraged that Sirius had the nerve to tell him to behave after what he did in school. Harry knew then that Sirius had his best interests in mind, but that did not stop Harry from being bitter. He wished now that he had never felt any of the negative emotions towards his godfather. 

Harry now followed everything that his godfather had ever told him. He didn't want to do anything against his Sirius's wishes because it felt worse to disobey him now when Sirius would never know. He only left the house when necessary and spent the rest of the time in his room.

Harry stopped on Wisteria Walk, within view of an alleyway that connected the street he was on with Magnolia Crescent. His walks recently had always brought him to this spot, and every time he debated whether he could stand to look down the alleyway. He had first seen Sirius there, though he didn't realize that it was his godfather until almost a year later. 

The remote sound of a dog barking stirred something in Harry, and he knew he could not go down that alley. He headed toward the larger road at the edge of the development where there was a small commercial center. Harry never ventured beyond the motorway because he dared not wander far from the house. 

At the corner store Harry spotted a copies of the newspaper for sale. He stared at it for a short bit, but then turned to return to the house. There was no point in staying out anymore, and Harry turned to retrace his steps. His clothing was soaked from the rain and it gave him a slight chill.

A vague part of his mind wanted the Muggle news to report on Sirius. They had been told when he escaped from prison, but would it be reported that he had not committed the crimes he was punished for and was blamed for things that were ridiculous to even think of attributing to him.

Harry didn't know if the Ministry of Magic knew of what happened to Sirius. It would not be the first time the Ministry decided to overlook something as they had already overlooked Sirius's innocence and small fact that Lord Voldemort had risen again. The Ministry had already caused enough damage with the inability to act on the truth. 

If they had acknowledged Sirius's innocence he would not have been as confined during his last year. If the Ministry had acknowledged that Lord Voldemort was again alive they could have spent their time trying to stop him from spending his entire time trying to get the prophecy or allowing him to gain as much power as he had during that year. 

This was not a time for "Ifs" though. The Ministry had acted as they had seen fit and people had paid for it. 

At the moment Harry just wanted the world to care and understand that Sirius was gone forever. People seemed to care when Sirius escaped, but they didn't seem to care that Sirius was gone.

Harry walked up the front path of his aunt and uncle's house. He didn't want to be back at number four, Privet Drive. When he was almost expelled from Hogwarts he had begged Sirius to allow him to remain at his home in London. He had been told that the Dursley's must have been bad if he preferred living at Sirius's childhood home, but he would have been with Sirius. As bad as number twelve Grimmauld Place was, he would have been there with Sirius. Sirius was there without company. Harry had no company at Privet Drive and would have been happy to be with Sirius. 

Sirius cared for him. Sirius didn't ignore him. Sirius placed him, Harry, as his priority. Sirius was careless, and Harry hated it when Sirius risked his life for him.

He was too reckless. Sirius had been out of the country, far from somewhere where he could be caught but he had come back into the country and back to Hogsmeade where there had been many dementors searching for him. Harry liked having Sirius there. He liked being able to see him, but what would have happened if he were seen. Harry could not comprehend what he would do if anything happened to Sirius, ever. 

Sirius didn't see the risks in the same way Harry did. Sirius wanted to get out. He wanted to be able to see Harry. He was lonely, but now Harry was the one who was lonely. At school he might be surrounded by people who love him, but that did not stop the chasm in his chest from being unbearable. Perhaps it would become bearable with time, but it wouldn't really go away.


End file.
